So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get
everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and
keep our loved ones waiting. Sadly, I've seen many people who put off
their loved ones so long that the loved ones lose interest in
maintaining the relationship. I used to do this myself. Often, we
convince ourselves that our obsession with our "to do" list is only
temporary - that once we get through the list, we'll be calm, relaxed,
and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked
off, new ones simply replace them.
The nature of your "in basket" is that it's meant to have items to be
completed in it - it's not meant to be empty. There will always be
phone calls that need to be made, projects to complete, and work to be
done. In fact, it can be argued that a full "in basket" is essential
for success. It means your time is in demand!
Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing
is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and
that of your loved ones. If you're obsessed with getting everything
done, you'll never have a sense of well being! In reality, almost
everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the
"emergency" category. If you stay focused on your work, it will all get
done in due time.
I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life
isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a
life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession
with completing my list of things to do. Remember, when you die, there
will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what?
Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments
of your life regretting the inevitable.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
5. Develop Your Compassion
Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion
for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the
willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus
off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's
predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the
recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations,
are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this
fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and
greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.
Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two
things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to
open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from
yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."
You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to
a cause near to your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile
and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so
important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa
reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do
small things with great love."
Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off
all the little things that most of us have learned to take too
seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life
- the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of
sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of
the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small
stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.
for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the
willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus
off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's
predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the
recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations,
are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this
fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and
greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.
Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two
things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to
open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from
yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."
You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to
a cause near to your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile
and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so
important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa
reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do
small things with great love."
Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off
all the little things that most of us have learned to take too
seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life
- the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of
sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of
the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small
stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.
Monday, August 2, 2010
4. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking
A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how
quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control.
Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your
thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details
of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feet. One thought leads to
another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly
agitated.
For example, you might wake up in the middle of the night and remember a
phone call that needs to be made the following day. Then, rather than
feeling relieved that you remembered such an important call, you start
thinking about everything else you have to do tomorrow. You start
rehearsing a probable conversation with your boss, getting yourself even
more upset. Pretty soon you think to yourself, "I can't believe how busy
I am. I must make fifty phone calls a day. Whose life is this anyway?"
and on and on it goes until you're feeling sorry for yourself. For many
people, there's no limit to how long this type of "thought attack" can
go on. In fact, I've been told by clients that many of their days and
nights are spent in this type of mental rehearsal. Needless to say,
it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and
annoyances.
The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your
thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch
yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is
to stop. In our example here, you might notice your snowball thinking
right when you start running through the list of what you have to do the
next day. Then, instead of obsessing on your upcoming day, you say to
yourself, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud.
You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going. You
can then focus, not on how overwhelmed you are, but on how grateful you
are for remembering the phone call that needed to be made. If it's the
middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to
sleep. You might even consider keeping a pen and paper by the bed for
such moments.
You may indeed be a very busy person. but remember that filling your
head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the
problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try
this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your
schedule. You'll be amazed at how effective it can be.
quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control.
Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your
thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details
of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feet. One thought leads to
another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly
agitated.
For example, you might wake up in the middle of the night and remember a
phone call that needs to be made the following day. Then, rather than
feeling relieved that you remembered such an important call, you start
thinking about everything else you have to do tomorrow. You start
rehearsing a probable conversation with your boss, getting yourself even
more upset. Pretty soon you think to yourself, "I can't believe how busy
I am. I must make fifty phone calls a day. Whose life is this anyway?"
and on and on it goes until you're feeling sorry for yourself. For many
people, there's no limit to how long this type of "thought attack" can
go on. In fact, I've been told by clients that many of their days and
nights are spent in this type of mental rehearsal. Needless to say,
it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and
annoyances.
The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your
thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch
yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is
to stop. In our example here, you might notice your snowball thinking
right when you start running through the list of what you have to do the
next day. Then, instead of obsessing on your upcoming day, you say to
yourself, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud.
You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going. You
can then focus, not on how overwhelmed you are, but on how grateful you
are for remembering the phone call that needed to be made. If it's the
middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to
sleep. You might even consider keeping a pen and paper by the bed for
such moments.
You may indeed be a very busy person. but remember that filling your
head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the
problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try
this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your
schedule. You'll be amazed at how effective it can be.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
3. Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers
One of the major reasons so many of us remain hurried, frightened, and
competitive, and continue to live life as if it were one giant
emergency, is our fear that if we were to become more peaceful and
loving, we would suddenly stop achieving our goals. We would become
lazy and apathetic.
You can put this fear to rest by realizing that the opposite is actually
true. Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and
drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are
fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest
potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is
despite your fear, not because of it.
I have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed,
peaceful, and loving people. Some of these people are best-selling
authors, loving parents, counselors, computer experts, and chief
executive officers. All of them are fulfilled in what they do and are
very proficient at their given skills.
I have learned the important lesson: When you have what you want (inner
peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and
concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals,
and to give back to others.
competitive, and continue to live life as if it were one giant
emergency, is our fear that if we were to become more peaceful and
loving, we would suddenly stop achieving our goals. We would become
lazy and apathetic.
You can put this fear to rest by realizing that the opposite is actually
true. Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and
drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are
fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest
potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is
despite your fear, not because of it.
I have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed,
peaceful, and loving people. Some of these people are best-selling
authors, loving parents, counselors, computer experts, and chief
executive officers. All of them are fulfilled in what they do and are
very proficient at their given skills.
I have learned the important lesson: When you have what you want (inner
peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and
concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals,
and to give back to others.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
2. Make Peace with Imperfection
I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with
inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner
tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to
having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are,
almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being
content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong
with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's
wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on
the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose
- or someone else's "imperfections" - the way someone looks, behaves, or
lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us
away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This strategy has nothing
to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached
and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while
there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you
can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of
insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind
yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of
your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your
need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover
the perfection in life itself.
inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner
tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to
having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are,
almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being
content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong
with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's
wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on
the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose
- or someone else's "imperfections" - the way someone looks, behaves, or
lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us
away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This strategy has nothing
to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached
and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while
there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you
can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of
insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind
yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of
your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your
need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover
the perfection in life itself.
Friday, July 30, 2010
1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon
closer examination, aren't really that big a deal. We focus on little
problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger,
for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it
go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified
in our anger. We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. Many
of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather
than simply let it go.
Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere
else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it
is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own
sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally.
There are many similar, "small stuff" examples that occur every day in
our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism,
or do the lion's share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we
learn not to worry about little things.
So many people spend so much of their life energy "sweating the small
stuff" that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of
life. When you commit to working toward this goal you will find that
you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.
closer examination, aren't really that big a deal. We focus on little
problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger,
for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it
go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified
in our anger. We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. Many
of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather
than simply let it go.
Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere
else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it
is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own
sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally.
There are many similar, "small stuff" examples that occur every day in
our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism,
or do the lion's share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we
learn not to worry about little things.
So many people spend so much of their life energy "sweating the small
stuff" that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of
life. When you commit to working toward this goal you will find that
you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Tonight
Today is day 1 of my run/walk intervals. Tonight begins the long journey towards next year's marathon. The plan for tonight is to run 2 minutes/walk 4 minutes... repeat 5 times. I will walk slowly as a 5 minute warm-up and the same for a cool down period after the workout. Total time will be 40 minutes. I am very excited for this, and for the huge supper I will eat after the run. I will probably post again later tonight to tell you (my loyal readers) how I did.
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