6. Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty

So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get
everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and
keep our loved ones waiting. Sadly, I've seen many people who put off
their loved ones so long that the loved ones lose interest in
maintaining the relationship. I used to do this myself. Often, we
convince ourselves that our obsession with our "to do" list is only
temporary - that once we get through the list, we'll be calm, relaxed,
and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked
off, new ones simply replace them.
The nature of your "in basket" is that it's meant to have items to be
completed in it - it's not meant to be empty. There will always be
phone calls that need to be made, projects to complete, and work to be
done. In fact, it can be argued that a full "in basket" is essential
for success. It means your time is in demand!
Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing
is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and
that of your loved ones. If you're obsessed with getting everything
done, you'll never have a sense of well being! In reality, almost
everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the
"emergency" category. If you stay focused on your work, it will all get
done in due time.
I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life
isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a
life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession
with completing my list of things to do. Remember, when you die, there
will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what?
Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments
of your life regretting the inevitable.

5. Develop Your Compassion

Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion
for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the
willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus
off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's
predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the
recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations,
are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this
fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and
greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.
Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two
things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to
open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from
yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."
You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to
a cause near to your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile
and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so
important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa
reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do
small things with great love."
Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off
all the little things that most of us have learned to take too
seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life
- the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of
sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of
the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small
stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.

4. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how
quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control.
Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your
thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details
of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feet. One thought leads to
another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly
agitated.
For example, you might wake up in the middle of the night and remember a
phone call that needs to be made the following day. Then, rather than
feeling relieved that you remembered such an important call, you start
thinking about everything else you have to do tomorrow. You start
rehearsing a probable conversation with your boss, getting yourself even
more upset. Pretty soon you think to yourself, "I can't believe how busy
I am. I must make fifty phone calls a day. Whose life is this anyway?"
and on and on it goes until you're feeling sorry for yourself. For many
people, there's no limit to how long this type of "thought attack" can
go on. In fact, I've been told by clients that many of their days and
nights are spent in this type of mental rehearsal. Needless to say,
it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and
annoyances.
The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your
thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch
yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is
to stop. In our example here, you might notice your snowball thinking
right when you start running through the list of what you have to do the
next day. Then, instead of obsessing on your upcoming day, you say to
yourself, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud.
You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going. You
can then focus, not on how overwhelmed you are, but on how grateful you

are for remembering the phone call that needed to be made. If it's the
middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to
sleep. You might even consider keeping a pen and paper by the bed for
such moments.
You may indeed be a very busy person. but remember that filling your
head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the
problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try
this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your
schedule. You'll be amazed at how effective it can be.

3. Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be Superachievers

One of the major reasons so many of us remain hurried, frightened, and
competitive, and continue to live life as if it were one giant
emergency, is our fear that if we were to become more peaceful and
loving, we would suddenly stop achieving our goals. We would become
lazy and apathetic.
You can put this fear to rest by realizing that the opposite is actually
true. Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and
drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are
fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest
potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is
despite your fear, not because of it.
I have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed,
peaceful, and loving people. Some of these people are best-selling
authors, loving parents, counselors, computer experts, and chief
executive officers. All of them are fulfilled in what they do and are
very proficient at their given skills.
I have learned the important lesson: When you have what you want (inner
peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and
concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals,
and to give back to others.